Dear Sakura: Together Again by The Amazoness Duo amazonessduo@hotmail.com “Damn it!” Sonomi screamed into the empty expanses of the vacation home up in the mountains. It was supposed to be a retreat from the pain of everyday life, a place of refuge that she could take her darling daughter to and escape for a few days. It was a comfortable little place up in the mountains that she had picked out with Tomoyo years earlier. But this visit was anything but relaxing. Her retreat had betrayed her, leaving her just as pained as if she were right in the middle of things. It offered little escape this time, the knowledge that Tomoyo was off in Hong Kong with the woman that had broken her heart firmly in Sonomi’s overworked mind. Yet even with that knowledge, she still expected to see her dark haired daughter out in the garden, videotaping the beautiful flowers and butterflies or on the balcony watching Sakura-shaped clouds in the sky. And each time, she was profoundly disappointed to find her little girl absent from her usual charming activities. Puffing on her cigarette, Sonomi leaned against the balcony railing, watching the garden where she and Tomoyo would have picnics on their visits. Normally, smoking wasn’t a habit she kept up with. Back when she had first picked it up in high school, it was rather short lived after Nadeshiko’s insistence that she stop. And she had. Despite it’s ability to help her relax when things were too stressful, she would do anything for her gentle goddess. Who needed such a thing when they had a sweet cousin like Nadeshiko by their side? It would be bad for her running, after all, just like Nadeshiko had said. Even if HE could beat her at track. But he was the only one who could beat her. He always was. But somehow, he managed to beat her at everything. At racing and at love. He had stolen her beloved Nadeshiko’s heart away from her, even though she had promised Nadeshiko that she would protect her from people like him. Part of Sonomi had died that day, at the wedding. More of her had died after Nadeshiko’s death some years later. Sometimes she thought that the only reason any of her was still alive at all was because of Tomoyo. Her darling daughter was another sweet angel in her life. And Tomoyo didn’t like it when she smoked either, telling her that it made her sad to see Sonomi doing such things to herself. So she had quit again for the sake of her little daughter, deciding that she was worth any sacrifice. But right now, neither Nadeshiko nor Tomoyo were there with her. And she was feeling self-destructive. She wanted to breathe smoke. She wanted to throw away all of her professional success in the past few years. She wanted to destroy every one of her racing trophies. What did any of it mean anymore? She had been twice blessed to have angels come into her life, but one had left it painfully and the other was being torn apart in front of her eyes. And as always, Sonomi, the brash and protective woman that she had always been, was completely helpless to stop it. That made this all the more painful. The memory of watching Nadeshiko during her dying days haunted her. She had promised to protect her little cousin and she had been powerless to hold back death’s embrace from whisking her away. And now it was all happening again. Her angelic daughter was dying in her own way. And once again she was forced to watch. She couldn’t force that pain away with a glance, hold her daughter close and protect her from the cold knives of pain the world was intent on throwing at her. Yet Tomoyo smiled through it all. An angel to the bitter end, she tried so hard to keep her mother happy while her own soul was being cut into. “Agh!!” Sonomi hit the railing she was leaning against fiercely with her right hand. The pain that shot through her clenched fist just sought to anger her even more. “Nadeshiko-chan, why does it have to be this way? Why does she have to get hurt as well? Am I cursed? Is she destined to relive my pain?” The business woman’s voice lowered as her blue eyes closed, imagining her darling cousin’s image in her mind's eye, speaking directly to her as she often did when she was hurting. “Please tell me, Nadeshiko-chan. I don’t understand.” The wind whispered in her ear, blowing about Sonomi’s short brunette hair as if in answer, but she was still left all alone. A slender hand went to her mouth, deep breaths escaping her lips as she tried to calm herself. The breaths were shaky at best, barely holding back the onslaught of rage and loss that threatened to overcome her. But Sonomi was a strong woman. She had survived this long. Unfortunately, the waves always seemed to get higher in her life, threatening to drown her in sorrow. She could almost hear Nadeshiko chiding her about the cigarette. A small, pained laugh left her as she put it out. “She’s so very much like you, Nadeshiko-chan. I could never stand to see you suffer at all. I promised I’d always protect you. Why do I have to watch her follow the same path I went through? Why can’t I take away her pain?” Her eyes opened slowly, looking out across the garden. Her heart dropped when what she thought was either Nadeshiko or her daughter’s lovely gray hair happened to be nothing more than some dust being thrown around by the wind. “Sometimes I swear our daughters must have gotten switched at birth, Nadeshiko- chan. She’s so kind and gentle like you. And she has such a loving heart. She holds in so much pain and it’s killing me to watch her in it, pretending it’s not even there. Please... Please, Nadeshiko-chan. Don’t let this happen again. Don’t let what happened to us happen to our daughters. I love you so much. I can’t stand to see my little girl go through the same pain.” Sonomi slumped to her knees on the balcony, her body feeling weak beyond its years. Her memories of Nadeshiko were all too vivid, all too painful in her mind. Every glimpse, every touch, it all came back with surprising force. Her heart longed for her dearly departed cousin, missing her more and more with each passing day. Not a day went by when her thoughts weren’t consumed with the woman she loved. Her death had only served to separate them even farther. And if it hadn’t been for Tomoyo, Sonomi would have been quick to join her. “Nadeshiko-chan, I need you. Why did you leave me? You’re everything to me.” Even with her eyes open, she could still see the haunting afterimage of Nadeshiko, her smile tugging at the business woman’s heart. “You always said I was strong. But damnit, Nadeshiko-chan, I was strong for you. Because I wanted to protect you. Because I wanted to make you happy. If I couldn’t do that for you and if I can’t for Tomoyo-chan, then what good is any of it? Why does my pain have to live on through my daughter? This can’t happen.” She sighed weakly, running her hands through her hair. Her jumbled emotions were all calling for attention, leaving her feeling burnt out inside. She felt so weak and helpless, unable to change anything. The river of life had her caught tragically in it’s current and she could cause little more than ripples in the water. “I’m sorry for being angry with your Sakura-chan, but I can’t help it. Tomoyo-chan’s so much like you and seeing the pain in her eyes that Sakura-chan causes in her is unbearable for me. I can’t help but see some of Fujitaka-sensei in her now that I see her hurting Tomoyo- chan so much. And I’m sorry about that. I know she’s your little girl, but seeing my daughter in pain...” She sighed, shaking her head as Tomoyo came to mind. What was happening to her over in Hong Kong right now? Why couldn’t she have come with her? It would have been better for the both of them. “But Tomoyo-chan wouldn’t want me mad at Sakura-chan either. She would say it wasn’t her fault and that she was happy for her. But I can see underneath those words at the pain underneath and it tears me up inside. She’s so sad and she won’t let it out. Because she doesn’t want me to worry about her. I guess I shouldn’t be mad at Sakura-chan. It’s the same thing that happened with you. You went off and got married, too. But that just makes this even worse because I know exactly what hell Tomoyo-chan is going through. And I can’t tell her it will get any better because I still miss you.” Her blue eyes falling closed again, Sonomi could swear she felt Nadeshiko’s gentle fingers brush past her cheek reassuringly. “Please don’t let this happen, Nadeshiko-chan...” An exhausted pale woman plopped down onto a guestroom’s futon bed in a flurry of dark hair. The day had been long for Daidouji Tomoyo and she hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. But all of that hardly mattered to the young heiress. Smiling to herself, Tomoyo brought a hand up to her mouth and yawned. She had almost forgotten how much energy it took to keep up with Sakura. The brunette seemed to be nearly inexhaustible in whatever she did. And that mixture of determination, enthusiasm, and pure loveable spirit always managed to draw Tomoyo along afterward in awe. Never having been as energetic as Sakura, the other woman’s presence managed to revitalize her. Being with Sakura again was like a beautiful dream. But like all dreams, she knew that she would eventually have to awaken from it. That thought brought her back to reality, her hand instinctively reaching for her camcorder. If she had to leave her beloved Sakura, she needed to have every precious second on videotape. Checking to make sure that it had new film, she gently placed it on the large Victorian style desk. Those memories of Sakura might be the last she would have after this visit. She would slowly allow herself to fade from Sakura’s life completely after returning home. It would make things easier for Sakura who had already started a new life that she couldn’t be a part of. Eventually, Sakura would forget about her, happily living out her new life in wedded bliss. “Sakura-chan...” Tomoyo whispered sadly as she sat back on the bed. Her stormy blue eyes clouded over, tears threatening to break through her carefully orchestrated masks, ready to spill past her ivory cheeks. How can you give up the one you love? How can you let yourself become nothing more than a memory? Because you love them. Because you must set them free to live their life without you. Tomoyo knew that she would forever be bound to her love for Sakura, but the emerald eyed woman would soon have no need for her. Staying in her life would just be painful for the both of them. She had told Sakura that the most important thing in her life was that her beloved was happy. Even if they couldn’t be together. “I know you don’t understand, Sakura-chan. And hopefully you’ll never have to. When I’m gone, I’ll be happy knowing that you’re smiling.” So if this was going to be her last time with Sakura, every single moment had to be treasured fully in Tomoyo’s heart. The dark haired designer smiled a bit, wiping the tears from her eyes. That part was easy, Sakura’s warm aura lifting her heart up. To be with Sakura again was truly a vacation from the loneliness and sleepless nights that she had been dealing with since the wedding. Her aching heart felt like it would burst to be near the Cardmistress again. Sakura was just as cute and sweet as always. She was becoming a gorgeous young woman. Sakura truly was the perfect bride. Li-kun was very lucky to be blessed with Sakura’s presence. Though curiously enough, Tomoyo hadn’t seen an awful lot of him. She would have thought that he would be there near Sakura during the entire visit, bathing in her glorious nature the same way Tomoyo herself did. Yet she’d barely seen the Chinese Sorcerer at all. That coupled with Sakura’s increased outpouring of affection had her confused. If Sakura’s letters were any indication, she really had missed the company of her best friend. And Tomoyo could agree with that notion wholeheartedly. She missed Sakura terribly every day that she was without her. So she would be happy to be by Sakura’s side for the duration of the visit. This one day alone had been worth all of the months of loneliness and pain to be able to enjoy the beauty of Hong Kong right alongside her gorgeous Sakura. Wincing slightly at the weariness in her body, Tomoyo began looking through the cedar chest in her room for a nightgown. Memories of the day and her time with Sakura kept racing through her mind, bringing a smile to her lips. Sakura really hadn’t changed much during her time in Hong Kong. She was still the same wonderful woman that Tomoyo had fallen in love with years before. And her presence still made Tomoyo’s heart flare up with love for the brunette. Sakura’s sweet voice still rang in her ears like a beautiful song, making her feel peaceful and calm. Singing softly to herself, Tomoyo finally picked out a cyan nightgown and set it down gently on the bed. She didn’t sing in front of people the way she had back when she was on the choir club, but she still sang often when she was alone. It was something she had always enjoyed doing. It was a way of letting herself drift, letting her thoughts flow free. Her mind could wander along to the rhythm of the music, but it always invariably settled on one thing in particular; Sakura. And that’s where her mind had settled now as she let her hair down from the ponytail it had been in all day, long dark hair pooling about her shoulders. Her clothes were laid neatly on the bed before she pulled the nightgown over her head. Getting ready for bed in Hong Kong again brought back memories of her first trip there with Sakura. She had even spent the night at this very house while she had been there, though that time she had shared a bed with Sakura. This time Sakura would be sharing a bed with her husband. So some things had changed since her last visit. Her heart wavered for a moment, but she forced the saddening thought away. At least Sakura was here. That’s why she had returned to this house, after all. Because Sakura had gotten married. And other than a few moments that day when Sakura had been rather emotional, she seemed to be happy. So she should be glad for her. The only reason Sakura was overemotional was because of her visit anyway. Sakura wouldn’t need to hide her tears in dressing rooms after she was gone. Tomoyo closed her eyes, taking an unsteady breath. “Sakura-chan...” Meanwhile, the subject of Tomoyo’s thoughts was getting ready for bed herself. Sakura had already changed into her pajamas and was sitting next to Syaoran on the bed. Her poor husband looked so tired. She had been talking about her day with Tomoyo ever since she had gotten back home and he had quietly listened the whole time. He was lying on the bed, his eyes half open. Sakura giggled softly and brushed some hair from her eyes. “Gomen, Syaoran-chan.” She leaned forward and gave her husband a brief kiss. “Work must have been tough today. Maybe we can talk about it later.” Syaoran nodded, his eyes half closed as he suppressed a yawn. “Sure.” He stared up at the ceiling, trying to keep his eyes open. “It was a long day. We should get some sleep.” His eyes opened after slipping closed for a second when he felt Sakura’s head on his chest. Sakura sighed softly. Even after all that she had done that day, she still wasn’t feeling tired. She was too excited to be tired. After being Tomoyo-less for months and months, her best friend was only a few rooms away. Her mind wouldn’t shut off long enough for her to sleep. Tomoyo stirred so many feelings inside of her. It was difficult to comprehend. “Hai, you’re right. I think I’m going to go check on Tomoyo-chan first before I go to sleep,” she said thoughtfully. “Daidouji’s like Meiling,” Syaoran stated matter-of-factly, his concentration blurring as sleep began to prey on his mind. “Hoe?” Syaoran yawned again, resting his head back. “Yeah. They both like to say embarrassing things.” A giggle escaped Sakura’s lips at that. “I guess that’s true. I never really thought about it. But it’s nice when she says them.” Kissing Syaoran’s cheek, she sat back up. Tomoyo might already be asleep, but she thought it would be okay if she just peeked in to check up on her. Or to at least catch a glimpse of her best friend. She felt like a little girl trying to get a last glimpse at the Christmas Tree before being forced off to bed. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Go ahead and go to sleep. I’ll join you soon.” She smiled sweetly at her husband as she slid off the bed. He watched her for a moment, offering a half smile of his own before rolling over and closing his eyes. Padding silently out of the room, Sakura made her way down the hall towards Tomoyo’s guestroom. Tomoyo had nearly fallen asleep with her head on Sakura’s shoulder earlier, so Sakura doubted she would still be awake. But it would be nice to see her again before going to sleep herself. The door opened slowly after she grasped the doorknob. “Hello, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo said warmly from inside. Sakura sweatdropped as she entered, closing the door quietly behind her. “Gomen nasai, Tomoyo-chan. I thought you were asleep. I hope you don’t mind.” She returned the pale woman’s warm smile. “I just wanted to see you again.” Tomoyo shook her head, her dark hair swaying with the motion. “No, I’m glad you came, Sakura-chan. I was hoping you would. I’m always happy to see you.” Patting the bed next to her, Tomoyo made room for her hostess. Thoughts of seeing Sakura again had filled her mind for the last few minutes, but she hadn’t actually thought that Sakura would stop by before the morning. Seeing Sakura now got rid of the sadness tinged thoughts associated with the visit. It really was great to see her. There was the same sparkle in Sakura’s emerald eyes that had always sent a thrill through her heart and the same smile that always warmed her. Tomoyo giggled softly and tilted her head to the side. “No matter how much you change, you’re still my cute Sakura- chan.” Accepting the proffered seat, Sakura looked back at Tomoyo thoughtfully. She was glad that Tomoyo was awake. It was much better than just catching a glimpse of her sleeping friend. Tomoyo’s musical voice and the sweet things she said still embarrassed her at times, but she was happy to hear them. For so long she had been missing those little remarks of Tomoyo’s, reading them over and over in her letters and waiting for every Sunday to hear her on the phone. It really did make her feel good inside. “I hope I can always be your cute Sakura-chan,” she replied, blushing slightly. Tomoyo always had a way of getting to her that way. “You will. Because I’ll always have my memories of you. And I have a lot of it down on videotape, captured moments of your youth ready to be watched again and again and again as I reminisce about my days with Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo explained, still smiling sweetly. Her clasped hands were in her lap. She had always known that one day Sakura would have to leave her and that she would be left with nothing but her memories. So she had videotaped everything she could, wanting to capture as much of Sakura as she could. There was so much more to the brunette, but all she had was a library of videotape now that Sakura was in Hong Kong. And she was glad for it. Now that she couldn’t spend time with Sakura anymore outside this little trip, the videos were all she had left. There would be no more new moments with her, no more happy times spent together. But all of the old ones were ready for her to replay when she was lonely or to watch through when she was sad. Sakura reached out slowly, her fingers gently brushing through Tomoyo’s long lavender hair. She had let it grow from the last time Sakura had seen her, now reaching well past her waist. She always had the most gorgeous hair, trying it in all sorts of styles. It was always a wonder to Sakura how she managed to be so creative with it. The soft hair felt wonderful underneath her fingers. “Umm... Tomoyo- chan? Would you mind if I fixed your hair again? Like when we were younger?” Sakura sweatdropped a bit and looked down. She felt childish for asking such a thing. Tomoyo was a full grown woman now, no longer the delicate child she remembered. It seemed awkward to be asking it, but after the dream she had, she longed for the old days. Tomoyo’s captivating smile dissipated her worries. Tomoyo’s heart had stopped when Sakura’s fingers began playing with her hair. Sakura’s magic touch entranced her more than any of her Cards could. It took her a moment to reply to Sakura’s request for fear of reacting at all and breaking the moment. “I’d like that very much, Sakura-chan. I always loved when you would be the one to fix my hair.” Her voice had almost gotten caught in her throat, her cheeks darkening slightly as Sakura’s fingers continued through her hair. Oh, it was perfect! Her hands were so gentle as they continued on their path. Tomoyo felt so peaceful, so complete inside. Yes, this was love. Having her hair fixed by Sakura. Even if it was just reliving old times for Sakura, she would play this over and over again in her mind for years to come. For a brief moment, she could even pretend this was the way things were. That after a long day at work, she had come home to her dearest Sakura and that she had offered to fix her hair for her, lovingly teasing with her fingers. Even if the illusion didn’t last long, the warm feelings in her heart grew considerably. If this was to be her last visit with Sakura, it certainly was turning out well at this rate. Giggling happily, Sakura crawled up onto the bed behind Tomoyo, her fingers still running through the lavender trusses. “Arigato, Tomoyo- chan! It’s kind of like with Hanako-chan. Whenever I fix her hair, I think about you. It was always so beautiful, no matter what style you had it in.” For a brief moment, the woman in front of her was a blushing girl of ten again, sitting in barely hidden anticipation. Sakura shook the mental image off, but she smiled in spite of herself. Gathering up Tomoyo’s hair, she looked at it thoughtfully. Tomoyo scarcely moved an inch aside from a blissful sigh. Nodding to herself, Sakura began braiding Tomoyo’s hair, enjoying the feel of the silky strands between her fingers. For the moment, her only concern was how to fix Tomoyo’s hair. And she found that simple task relaxed her in ways that she hadn’t been able to in months. The sweet scent of Tomoyo’s lavender hair was lovely. She leaned closer, burying her face into the hair for a moment. It really was wonderful. Just like Tomoyo, it was sweet and calming. She couldn’t see the deepening blush on Tomoyo’s pale cheeks as she finally continued braiding. “I have some ribbons if you would like to use them, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo offered helpfully, scooting back so that she could be closer to the Cardmistress. This had to be a glimpse of what Heaven was like. Her heart skipped a beat as Sakura’s fingers brushed some hair past her shoulder, the fingers lingering there for a brief second before moving on. If only this one moment could last for an eternity. Her heart sang out to Sakura, reaching out for her, bursting with her love for the brunette. But she sat still as Sakura’s fingers fixed her hair, content in this moment. ‘I love you, Sakura-chan. And moments like these just remind me of how eternally grateful I am to have met you,’ she thought to herself. “Oh, right! Those ones you bought during the shopping trip. They should be around here somewhere.” Sakura looked around thoughtfully before Tomoyo handed a bag to Sakura. Inside were several deep green silk ribbons. She ran her fingers over them as she pulled them out, looking back at Tomoyo’s hair for where to place them. They were beautiful and soft to the touch, but she found herself enjoying the feeling of Tomoyo’s hair much more. Her fingers went back to work, tying them in with careful movements. “You look so pretty, Tomoyo- chan.” Tomoyo’s stormy blue eyes fluttered open slowly, smiling happily. The past few months seemed insignificant and far away. They didn’t matter. All that mattered was this moment alone with Sakura. It was perfect. “Thank you so much, Sakura-chan. You don’t know how happy that makes me. Being here with you like this, hearing your voice and knowing you’re right here with me, I don’t think I could be happier. I’m so lucky to be here with you. I’ll always remember this trip,” she said cheerfully. Sakura giggled. She could almost see the stars in Tomoyo’s eyes. It was just the way she remembered her. This trip had been exactly what she needed. She didn’t feel so lonely or out of place anymore now that Tomoyo was back with her. Her heart swelled to hear the sweet remarks Tomoyo always showered her with. Their time together had always been important to her, but it wasn’t until recently that she had realized just how important. Not having Tomoyo with her was like losing a part of herself. She didn’t feel as confident or as sure about herself without the dark haired woman’s love and support. Now that the heiress was here, she felt even more sure of it. That’s what had been missing in her life since she had moved to Hong Kong. But it confused her because she didn’t quite understand what it was that she had been missing. She missed Touya and her father, too, but it wasn’t the same. She knew that was just homesickness, but this... This she wasn’t so sure of. Tomoyo had been her best friend for so long and she’d always made her feel like everything would turn out for the best, that life really was an exciting and wonderful journey. And with Tomoyo by her side, it always had been. Now she was continuing that journey without Tomoyo, but with her husband by her side. That thought hurt her. Because she missed the pale woman’s impact on her life. The way she was always there for her no matter her problems or what was going on in. The way she made her feel so warm and special. The way she gave her all of her attention even if she didn’t need it. But it didn’t make sense. She had her husband now and a new life. Tomoyo was very important to her, but her priority now was her husband and her new family. “I’m really happy to have you here, too, Tomoyo-chan.” Tomoyo sensed the uneasiness in Sakura’s voice, as if she was confused about something. She had heard that tone in her so often before, on the phone or when they were together. It was usually when Sakura was trying to understand something, to make sense out of things with her innocent determination. Tomoyo leaned back against her, her bare feet touching Sakura’s knees. Sakura’s fingers paused for a brief moment before returning to the task of braiding her hair. “Sakura-chan, you’re happy here in your new life, aren’t you?” her musical voice asked softly. “Hmm?” Sakura asked distractedly. It took her a moment to shake off her thoughts and return to the here and now. It had been so hypnotic, the action of fixing Tomoyo’s hair, the wonderful scent, the warmth in her heart at being here with her best friend. She had gotten caught up in her thoughts. A smile crossed her lips. She didn’t even have to think about that one. What a silly question! “Of course I am, Tomoyo-chan. I’m very happy here. Syaoran-chan’s sisters are all very nice and I finally get to be with my husband. It’s wonderful here. The city’s beautiful. Though sometimes I get a little homesick. And I really don’t think Ieran-sama likes me very much. And I really do miss you a lot, Tomoyo-chan.” Her fingers grasped more of Tomoyo’s hair as she leaned closer to the dark haired woman. Letters and phone calls just weren’t a good enough substitute for actually being with her best friend. She brushed past Tomoyo’s neck, playing with the silky strands in her grasp. “I’ll always be there for you, Sakura-chan. For as long as you need me. So please don’t feel lonely. It makes me feel sad that I would lessen your happiness here in your new life. You have so much here to be happy about. You have Li-kun now to make you happy. You don’t ever have to feel lonely because my heart is always with you. My thoughts are always filled with you.” Tomoyo was sure glad that Sakura couldn’t see her face because she barely had the will to put up her mask this time. Her stormy blue eyes were downcast, looking at the clasped hands in her lap. She was glad that Sakura missed her, but it just made it hurt all the more that she would have to fade out of her life. She no longer had a part in Sakura’s life and she was trying to come to grips with that. Sakura was happy in her new life. She didn’t need Tomoyo anymore. Frowning, Sakura shook her head. She felt a little frightened at the way Tomoyo put that. It was as if Tomoyo thought that there would come a time when she wouldn’t need her anymore. “But I’ll always need you, Tomoyo-chan. You’re my best friend. You always help me so much.” Her arms wrapped around her second cousin’s waist, pulling her into a warm hug. She felt Tomoyo relax slowly into it. Sakura let her eyes fall closed, trying to understand the tumultuous feelings inside of her. Part of her wanted to break down and cry and to ask Tomoyo never to leave her side again while the other part knew that she had to let her go when the time came. Their lives were going down different paths now. She held Tomoyo tighter, unsure of what to say. Tomoyo let her eyes fall closed as she leaned back into Sakura’s embrace. She felt safe in Sakura’s arms, like nothing could come to pull her away. This was where she wanted to be, more than anywhere else in the world. But she knew that Sakura was wrong. One day, the brunette would no longer need her anymore. And she would silently fade from her life, until all that was left was a memory. The thought felt like a jagged icicle through her heart, but her love for Sakura slowly melted it. She had to. For Sakura’s sake. All she could do was love her from afar. “Arigato gozimasu, Sakura-chan,” she whispered softly, forgetting her worries as she lost herself in Sakura’s arms. Out of all of their contact, holding hands and even Sakura fixing her hair, what she loved the most was when Sakura would hug her. Her gentle yet strong arms always gripped her so warmly, even when Sakura would hug her seeking comfort. It was a wonderful sensation, being able to get so close to Sakura, to feel her heart beating against her. It was times like this that she almost feared her own heart would give her away as it pounded in her chest. Resting her head against Tomoyo’s back, Sakura’s cheek pressed against the silky hair that fell past Tomoyo’s shoulders. It tickled her cheek , causing her to shift more against the fragile woman in her arms. The rest of the world seemed far away whenever they hugged, gaining in distance for as long as they did. Her husband wasn’t much for emotional displays, but she knew that Tomoyo would always shower her with warmth, comfort, support, and love. Her soul always felt so soothed when they were together, like Tomoyo’s gentle fingers were stroking through her soul, making everything all right. She really couldn't ask for a better best friend. Pulling Tomoyo closer, her mind spun. There was so much she wanted to say to her, so much she wanted to do, but she couldn’t make sense of any of it. She couldn’t phrase any of what she wanted to say. It felt like it was all pure emotion, swirling in her heart. For a moment, she forgot where she was. The feelings inside her were so strong, urging to be let out. Tomoyo’s soft hair against her, the rhythmic movement of her breathing, the scent of her hair and the delightful little movements she made all made her feel so... hanyaan. Her eyes blinked rapidly a few times as she tried to sort out the thoughts that were attached to that. “I.. umm... Tomoyo-chan, would you like to go out to the garden? It’s really nice at night,” she asked quietly after a moment. She felt Tomoyo’s hair brush against her as the dark haired woman nodded. “Hai, I’d like that, Sakura-chan. I’m sure it’s gorgeous,” Tomoyo said sweetly. She made no attempt to move, remaining in Sakura’s embrace for several long seconds until the brunette finally pulled away and slipped off the bed. Her stormy blue eyes followed Sakura’s movements, brimming with love for the Cardmistress. Sakura blushed a bit at the look in her eyes and looked away. Tomoyo smiled gingerly and took Sakura’s hand after joining her near the doorway. She held it between both of her own hands for a minute, savoring the feeling. Her fingers slowly intertwined with Sakura’s. Of course, she would go anywhere with Sakura. She was far more gorgeous than any garden could ever be. But if Sakura wanted to see the flowers, she would be happy to watch her Sakura. The two women tiptoed outside, not wanting to wake any of the occupants in the large mansion as they made their way outside. The beautiful moonshine cast them both in a dim glow as they stepped out into the garden. The garden itself was stunning, as befitting the House of Li. A large fountain sat in the center, water cascading down into it like a tropical waterfall. Wonderfully scented exotic flowers were placed all around the spacious garden, making it seem like a magical place in the moonlight. The sight reminded Tomoyo of helping to pick out the flowers for her mother’s garden back home and felt a sliver of homesickness wash over her at the thought. But her mother was probably fine. Sonomi always managed to handle things. “It’s very pretty Sakura-chan. Do you come out here often?” Sakura nodded, smiling over at the pale woman. She seemed to shimmer in the moonlight, convincing Sakura even further that her best friend had to be some angelic visitor. “Sometimes. I like to come out here when I have the time. It kind of reminds me of when we all used to go for picnics in the park. It’s not a lot like the park but it’s just really nice out here.” Her emerald eyes flashed for a second as they reflected the moonlight before falling closed. It was still warm out, despite a slight breeze and she found the peaceful serenity of the garden to be overwhelming. Giggling softly, Tomoyo brought her free hand up to her cheek. “You look so cute when you’re being nostalgic. I should loan you some of my videos and watch you watching them.” Had they been apart at all? It felt like they had been back home in Tomoeda just the day before, like they had never been apart in the first place. It felt so nice to be together again. Tomoyo had to remind herself to be careful. Sakura was a married woman now. And this visit would probably be their last time together. So she had to keep her displays in check. She couldn’t just pour out her feelings for Sakura the way she used to. Blushing despite Tomoyo’s attempt at controlling her usual energetic love of Sakura, Sakura looked back at her old friend. “As long as you keep sending the cooking videos. They’ve been a great help. It feels like you’re right there with me when I’m watching them. And it’s great to be able to see you after reading your letters. I miss you so much sometimes that I can sit and watch them over and over. You always look so pretty in them. Each time I see them, it’s breathtaking.” Tomoyo looked back at Sakura, her stormy blue eyes, looking deep into her in the cool night air. Her soul sang out to her, but she knew it went unanswered. She wanted so much to tell her how she felt, to let her know how much that meant to her. That she dressed as prettily as she could for Sakura in her videos. That she wanted to be there with her while she was cooking. That she longed for her with all her heart and soul. But all she could do was smile. “Thank you very much, Sakura-chan. That makes me very happy.” The two walked in silence for a moment as Tomoyo tried desperately to get a hold of the runaway feelings burgeoning inside of her. Sakura was everything to her, but she couldn’t let out her feelings. She had to keep them locked up in her heart. Sakura had the key, but Tomoyo couldn’t tell her. Sakura could never use the key. Her own heart already belonged to another. So Tomoyo continued to smile, wanting so much to lose herself once more in Sakura’s arms. Sighing softly, Sakura fidgeted, trying to force her thoughts into coherency. She wouldn’t have the lavender haired woman in Hong Kong much longer and there was still so much left unsaid. But try as she might, her feelings refused to clarify themselves to her. It was frustrating, being here with her best friend and unable to voice the emotions that were playing with her. Tomoyo slowly sat down on a bench near the fountain, drawing Sakura down next to her. Sakura looked into the stormy blue eyes greeting her and quickly looked away. She couldn’t meet them. They held so much within their depths that it almost scared her. It was like they could see deep inside of her, at the feelings that even she couldn’t understand. And yet they were extremely warm and gentle, filling her with strength. But they held a touch of pain in them that she had never noticed in Tomoyo before. It brought a dark cloud over her heart. What could hurt her like that? Behind Tomoyo’s smile, there was something exquisitely painful dwelling in her heart. Now that she looked closer, the smiling stormy blue eyes had cracks in them, painful shards that only hinted at the torment of the girl they belonged to. Which all served to confuse Sakura even more. “Tomoyo-chan, are you still happy with your decision? With not telling the person you like? I mean, when you told me about it, I was so sure that you were right. That the person you liked must be really happy so that should make you happy. But now...” She took a breath, looking up to gaze directly into Tomoyo’s eyes. “Tomoyo-chan, I’m not sure anymore. It can’t be right. You said you would be happy about it, but you never said anything about it hurting you. I should have known earlier. But you must be so lonely, watching your special someone happy with someone else. It’s not fair. You can’t be alone. You just can’t. You’re too important to me to be alone forever. I can’t let you. You will have your wedding. I promise. Because it’s too sad if Tomoyo-chan never gets to be a blushing bride.” She shook her head, trying to focus through her tears. She hadn’t even noticed them until then. Her heart broke at the look in Tomoyo’s blue eyes. She looked scared and hurt, the mask that had been covering them slipping off. For a brief second, Sakura could see the true extent of the pain that Tomoyo was in. It ran deep through her soul, like a deep ravine. She was colder and more alone than Sakura could ever truly realize. But before she could comment, it was covered up as if it had never been there at all. And Tomoyo was smiling again. “You’re so sweet, Sakura-chan. I’m lucky to have such a wonderful best friend. I’m glad you’re worried, but you really shouldn’t be,” Tomoyo said softly, her delicate fingers brushing away Sakura’s tears. The brunette looked on in confusion. Had it just been the lighting? Tomoyo seemed completely fine now. Her smile still strong and bright, her eyes covering over the cracks she had seen in Tomoyo’s soul. Had she been mistaken? “I’m sure. I would live my whole life alone if it would make my special person happy. When you love someone enough that their own happiness means so much more to you than your own, then you know that it truly is love. I know I love my special person with all my heart and soul. I would do anything for them. I would be happy to be with them, but if I can’t make them happy, doesn’t it make sense that they should be with whoever can make them happy? It would be selfish to try to keep them all to myself. I won’t weigh them down. For me, it’s a joy to see them soaring in the air, happy and free. I could never deprive them of their happiness. So in a way, I am making them happy. And that brings a song to my heart. If I could keep them all to myself or give them up to be with whoever would make them happy, I would let them go. Because I love her so much that I would do anything, sacrifice anything, to make sure that she lives a happy life. And if I can’t be a part of it, then that’s okay. Because my heart will always belong to my special person.” The sweet musical voice had begun to falter near the end, her stormy blue eyes shimmering wetly in the moonlight, yet her smile remained constant. They remained focussed on Sakura’s emerald orbs, as if whispering ‘I love you’. “But Tomoyo-chan, doesn’t it feel lonely that way? Don’t you feel sad?” Sakura asked, grabbing Tomoyo’s hands with her own. She had to know. She knew that she couldn’t do the same thing if she were in Tomoyo’s position. It sounded too painful, too sad. How could she be happy like that? Tomoyo nodded slowly, the wind playing with her long hair. “Hai, it can get lonely sometimes. And I do feel sad, too. But Sakura-chan, you have to understand. Sometimes you love something so much that you have to set it free. Like a child. You love your child so much but one day they have to leave you. But you love them so much that you have to let them. I love my special person with all my heart. But I can’t hold on because I can’t interfere with their happiness. So I have to let them go out and live their own beautiful life. Because I love them.” Shaking her head, Sakura held onto Tomoyo’s hands tightly. What Tomoyo said was sounding suspiciously familiar with what she had often said about Sakura herself. “I still don’t understand. It’s just too sad. I don’t see why you can’t make your special person happy. Anyone would be lucky to have you, Tomoyo-chan. It’s not right for you to be alone like this. I don’t want you to be alone. You make me so happy that I can’t imagine any man who's heart you couldn't win. Seeing you alone hurts me, Tomoyo-chan.” Biting back tears, Tomoyo tried in vain to hold herself together. “No, please don’t say that, Sakura-chan. It shouldn’t make you sad. I’m fine. I’ll always be fine as long as my special person is happy. Please, Sakura-chan... I have to be alone. My special person already has someone. They’re already happy. I can’t interfere with that. And I wouldn’t. I need you to be happy, Sakura-chan. Please be happy or it’s all been for nothing. I know I can’t have my special person. I’ve known that for years. But I can’t stop loving them because my heart belongs to them, even if they’ll never know. You have to be happy for me, Sakura-chan. I don’t think I can hold on if you take that away from me.” Her voice was strained, tears streaking her pale cheeks. Her mother had warned her about this trip and now she wished she had agreed to call it off. Sonomi had been through the same thing, after all. But she had thought that she had to come. Her carefully orchestrated masks had finally proven worthless, splintering into pieces at Sakura’s words. It was a paradox that Sakura couldn’t see. She loved Sakura, but Sakura couldn’t love her. And Sakura wanted her to be with her true love so that she could be happy. Which brought her back to the beginning, where Sakura couldn’t love her. It would ruin everything. But she couldn’t explain it to Sakura, couldn’t make her realize that she had to be happy for her even if she was alone. She dimly felt Sakura pulling her into her arms, holding onto her dearly. Tomoyo let herself collapse in Sakura’s embrace. She had tried so hard to keep her pain hidden from Sakura for all these years but the past few moments had ruined all of it. Sakura was amazed at the sudden change in Tomoyo’s behavior, from smiling and calm to wracked with sobs. So she hadn’t been mistaken after all. She stroked Tomoyo’s back gently, the same way Tomoyo used to whenever she would cry in her arms. “Oh, Tomoyo-chan,” she whispered softly. The dark haired woman was more hurt by her special person than she had ever let on. Sakura’s heart felt ready to break as she pulled her pale best friend closer. She didn’t know what to say. But a new resolve grew within her. She would find a way to make Tomoyo happy. Somehow. She couldn’t let Tomoyo stay in so much pain. The two woman stayed that way for a long time. Neither were sure of how much time had finally passed when Tomoyo stopped crying on Sakura’s shoulder. “Gomen nasai, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo said weakly. “I’ve been so tired lately with working on Hanako-chan and all and I haven’t really slept much since I got here.” She felt horrible. How much damage had she caused? She had never meant for Sakura to see her like that. Crying like that, thinking that way was only for when she was all alone. She never wanted to hurt Sakura, especially with the burden of her own terrible loneliness. And what if this spurred her on to find out who her special person was? A shiver went through her body at the thought. It suddenly felt very cold. Smiling softly, Sakura shook her head. “No, it’s okay, Tomoyo-chan. I’m glad. I really don’t think I’ve seen you cry often. I’m your best friend. I want to help you. And if you feel bad about this, then I want to know about it.” Resting her head against Sakura’s shoulder, Tomoyo tried to calm herself. In Sakura’s embrace, she found it remarkably easy to do. “No, I don’t feel bad about it, Sakura-chan. Sometimes I just wish that I could be with my special person. But I know it can’t be. I hope you understand. It truly does mean everything to me that they’re happy. I love them dearly and to see them delighted means that I’ve helped to make sure that their life will be a joyous one. It hurts sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. And being with you makes me happy, Sakura-chan. In your arms, I feel like it’s all perfectly fine. Being with Sakura-chan makes it all worthwhile.” She sighed softly, her nose brushing past Sakura’s neck. “I’m so happy to be with you, I don’t need anything else. Hearing your warm, joyous heartbeat makes my heart want to beat in rhythm with it.” Her eyes closed as she held onto Sakura. “Treasured moments like these reassure me that what I did was the right thing. Because I know that I had to make sure my true love was the happiest.” Sakura sat in silence, feeling the rise and fall of Tomoyo’s breathing. Her own eyes were closed, listening to the toy designer’s beautiful voice. “Tomoyo-chan,” the brunette finally spoke at last. “I don’t ever want you to go. I want to be with you always. I want to know that my best friend is always close by when I need her. I do need you. You act like one day I’ll just stop needing you and that’s not true at all. Tomoyo-chan, I can’t imagine life without you. From the day we’ve met, you’ve always been so wonderful to me. And I want you to have the same happiness I have. I want you to be married and happy.” Giggling softly, Tomoyo sat up against Sakura, looking into her jade eyes. “But Sakura-chan, I am happy. You make me happy. All of the time I’ve spent with you, all of the memories you have given me, I treasure them close to my heart.” Taking Sakura’s hand, she placed it gently over her heart, which was still beating rapidly. “You’re why I know that I can do this. Because you make me so happy that I know it’s worth making my special person as happy as they can be, even if we can’t be together. Seeing you smile, hearing about you being in love with your new husband, it all makes me think ‘Sakura- chan is so happy. I know that no matter what happens, Sakura-chan will live a wonderful life’. Everything has a price, Sakura-chan. But I know that my special person’s happiness is worth any sacrifice. I would do anything for them. Because I love them so much that I want to give them all of the happiness of the world. And if I can’t give it to them, at least I know someone else can.” Her stormy blue eyes never left Sakura’s, her heart still pounding against Sakura’s palm. Blushing deeply, Sakura nodded slowly. “But still... I.. I want to make you happy, Tomoyo-chan. I want to..” She trailed off, unsure of what she wanted to say. It almost sounded like Tomoyo was talking about her. But that was silly. How could she be Tomoyo’s special person? “If I was your special person,” she began softly, the blush tinting her cheeks crimson, “I would want so much to make my Tomoyo- chan the happiest person in the world.” Glistening like an angel in the pale light, Sakura was rewarded with a genuine smile from Tomoyo. She was gorgeous, her heart so earnest with the happiness of her true love. It was awe-inspiring. Tomoyo had such a loving soul that it surprised Sakura sometimes with the strength of the love Tomoyo could pour out. That, too, was something she had missed. “Then Sakura-chan understands,” Tomoyo said quietly, her eyes finally closing. She felt relief wash through her at that. Sakura finally understood. After all this time. She didn’t let go of Sakura’s hand at first, still holding it to her heart, wanting to convey that the beating was for her alone. When she finally let go, Sakura’s hand stayed on it’s own. Her stormy blue eyes opened to Sakura’s still looking into their depths. “You’re heart’s beating so fast,” Sakura whispered after a moment. Her feelings weren’t confusing her so much anymore. She did understand, like Tomoyo had said. So that was true love, wanting more than anything for your true love to be happy. Loving them so much that your heart would always belong to them. When she thought about it that way, it did make sense. Her emotions slowed in their swirl in her heart. Tomoyo smiled softly, holding Sakura’s gaze. “It’s because I’m very happy right now. I love being here with you, Sakura-chan. You make my heart pound in joy. Sakura-chan’s cute, genki spirit fills me with energy. So much energy that it doesn’t know where to go and it gets all trapped inside. It’s saying Sa Ku Ra. Sa Ku Ra.” She knew that this type of thing was exactly what she had planned on holding back from during her trip, but she couldn’t help herself. Sakura’s presence warmed her heart, filling up the emptiness that had existed within her while they were apart. Living without Sakura was infinitely more painful than she had originally thought. “Tomoyo-chan.” Sakura couldn’t look away, her eyes focussed on the brilliant blue orbs in front of her. The pale woman’s essence seemed to wrap itself around her heart, pulling her closer. “Tomoyo-chan, you make me happy, too,” she finally got out, barely above a whisper. “You make me feel so special. You make me feel... loved.” That realization hit her with a sudden impact. Tomoyo did make her feel all those things and more. She filled her up with all sorts of warm feelings inside. “That’s all I want, Sakura-chan. I want you to be happy,” Tomoyo whispered softly, leaning nearer to Sakura. Her fingers lightly brushed through Sakura’s considerably shorter hair. Sakura rested her head against Tomoyo’s hand, her eyes half closed as she tried to make sense out of the sudden realizations. Her mind was having a difficult time following as Tomoyo drew ever nearer. It took a moment for her to notice that she was leaning closer as well. Once again, it seemed like pure emotions were driving her. For a brief moment, it didn’t matter if any of it made sense. It just was. “Tomoyo-chan,” she got out silently. The two were finally inches apart. She could feel Tomoyo’s soft breath against her. She really was stunningly gorgeous. She had known that for a long time, but she had never quite seen her in this light. Watching Sakura’s bright emerald eyes, Tomoyo could see the same shining determination that had always captivated her about them. Their glimmer seemed to draw her forward. Sakura had grown into such a pretty young woman, always managing to draw Tomoyo’s attention. She was still amazingly cute, but she had gained a very pretty look to her as well. Tomoyo had begun mentioning that as well over recent years, whereas when they had been younger she had always embarrassed Sakura about how cute she was. But right now she was content to bathe in that beauty, in the shining light from Sakura’s heart that she could feel radiating from her. Tomoyo’s masks were broken for the time being, left behind. She couldn’t hide the glimmer of her own heart. It was impossible to keep it back, nearly blinding her with the love she felt for the woman in front of her. Sakura’s own heart was beating furiously against her as she drew the brunette closer in her arms. “Sakura-chan.” Sakura was her entire world. Nothing existed beyond the pretty Cardmistress. Her fingers played across Sakura’s ear. She had always found her ears incredibly cute when they were younger. She still did. Everything about her was perfect. Tomoyo loved all of her, even her flaws, the few she had. They were all part of what made her love Sakura so dearly. The few inches between them beckoned, Sakura’s lips seeming ever closer. Before she quite knew what had happened, her lips brushed lightly against Sakura’s. To her surprise, Sakura didn’t move back in the slightest. In fact, Sakura moved closer to her dark haired best friend, her lips pressing back against Tomoyo’s. Sakura’s eyes fell closed, but Tomoyo’s remained open, wanting to see Sakura the entire time. Dream or not, this moment would forever remain in her heart. Sakura blushed feverishly as she felt herself returning Tomoyo’s kiss. Tomoyo's lips were petal soft and inviting, drowning out all conscious thought from Sakura. Her hands rested at the small of Tomoyo’s back as the eccentric heiress’s fingers kept playing with her hair. This felt perfect. Her entire body and soul ached for Tomoyo. She could feel her heart going out to the dark haired woman, begging for her warmth and love. And Tomoyo happily gave that with all that she was. Tomoyo’s tongue slowly pushed between her lips after a time, and Sakura graciously accepted, thrilled at the feeling of Tomoyo’s tongue in her mouth. She kissed back with all of her heart, her fingers clasping together as she pulled Tomoyo tighter. For the first time since she had come to Hong Kong, and possibly for the first time in her life, she felt complete. It was like a circuit was completed within her, love pouring through her entire body. It was different from the kisses she got from Syaoran. This was gentler, sweetly exploring all that there was to offer. Tomoyo kissed slowly but passionately, giving of herself completely to Sakura. His were a little more forceful, more to the point. Forgetting all about that as the kiss grew more passionate, she held on tightly to her best friend. The feelings rushing through her felt stronger than any magic she had ever experienced. Tomoyo didn’t need magic to touch her soul. Her kiss was magical enough. When the kiss finally ended, the two woman held very close in the cool night air. Peaceful silence surrounded them, the only sound that of the flowing water. ‘The love in your heart has to flow, just like water,’ Tomoyo thought to herself as she held onto Sakura, her head resting on the brunette’s shoulder. Her hands went gently up and down Sakura’s back as Sakura lightly toyed with her hair. The two stayed that way for a long while, Sakura finally falling asleep in Tomoyo’s arms. Watching from the deck where she had concealed herself, Ieran watched the entire scene unfold. Yes, she had been right after all. This would require quite a bit of thought. Turning from her daughter- in-law and her friend, Ieran faded into the night.