Dear Sakura
After the Banquet
by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
amazonessduo@hotmail.com



Tomoyo stood alone for a long moment, looking for all the world like
a beautifully dressed up china doll. Her body was tired, sleep
tugging at her weary soul with the help of a full stomach. But her
mind was still busily going over things. The banquet really had been
spectacular. It would have been nice to be closer to Sakura, but she
looked very happy next to her husband. If only she had been able to
bring her camcorder... Those would have been images she would have
enjoyed watching again and again. Not only had Sakura been enjoying
herself, something Tomoyo always loved to see, but she had looked
simply gorgeous. With a sharp pang, she could remember the last time
Sakura had looked so stunning. At her wedding. Tomoyo had taken hours
to prepare Sakura for the big day. So she had thrown her all into
making sure that Sakura looked perfect for her wedding. The dress had
been of her design, the last complete costume she had made for
Sakura. Part of her had been overjoyed to be a part of Sakura’s
wedding, but the other part had felt like she was giving Sakura away.
Like she was stepping away from her life. That Syaoran would now be
the one to help the Cardmistress with all of her problems and joys.
To protect her and give her the happiness that she never could.
During those long hours that she had readied Sakura she had felt like
she was saying goodbye. Yet here she was. 	A soft giggle lit the
empty room. She should have known that escaping Sakura wouldn’t be
quite so easy. Sakura had infiltrated her heart and soul, filling her
thoughts and dreams completely. Everything she did, she did for
Sakura. And now... Could she ever say goodbye again? Could she ever
completely slip out of Sakura’s life? She had thought that it would
be for the best. Sakura didn’t need her, after all, so it seemed less
painful for everyone if she faded from Sakura’s life. It was too
painful watching it all, knowing that the brunette could never know
her heart’s desire. But now, after this visit to Hong Kong, she
wasn’t so sure that she could fade from Sakura’s life so completely.
She needed Sakura. Like a flower without sunlight, she would die
without the warmth her best friend bestowed upon her. And after the
miraculous kiss the night before, it seemed that Sakura’s feelings
were more entwined with her own than she had thought. She still
hadn’t completely understood why Sakura had shared in it as deeply as
she had, but Sakura’s love had been unmistakable. What that love
meant, Tomoyo wasn’t fully sure of either, but it seemed that she was
still important to Sakura. And that knowledge made the idea of
leaving Sakura’s life unbearably painful. She felt like a puppet,
caught up in the strings Sakura had wrapped tightly around her soul.
Everything Sakura did tugged at her, drawing her one way or another,
making her dance for the amusement of her audience, always hoping
that it would make the brunette happy. And so everything she did was
for Sakura, but her smiling doll exterior hid the pain in her heart.
	For a brief moment, the lavender haired designer considered what
Fanren had said. Loneliness consumed her, a constant companion that
haunted her every waking moment and often caught her in the midst of
even her happiest dreams. For once, it would be so nice not to wake
up alone, crying in bed in a haze of lavender curls. Someone to talk
to, to hold on to, to be able to share her inner turmoil. The idea
was certainly tempting. Sakura would never be hers, of course. So why
was she still giving her heart to a married woman that would never
know her feelings? Everyone she knew was falling in love, finding
their special someone. She had already fallen in love before any of
them. But she was denied her special person. So while they were all
building their relationships, Tomoyo was very much alone. The
beautiful heiress to the Daidouji fortunes, wasting away as she kept
her heart locked up and away from view.
	As Fanren had shown, it wasn’t impossible for her to find someone.
A relationship would not be impossible. Besides, with her masks and
perception she could easily manage a relationship. And for once she
wouldn’t be completely alone. Fanren herself was an extremely pretty
woman, and she was very kind. Spending time with her would be
infinitely better than being alone. But there was one thing she
couldn’t offer the Chinese beauty. Her heart. It didn’t matter if she
could manage a relationship or not. Or even if she could find someone
to be with. It was that her heart, her soul already belonged to
another. She could never love her, or anyone else for that matter,
with the same fervor, the same boundless passion that she held for
Sakura. The Cardmistress was what made an eternity of loneliness seem
livable. The very thought of her sent a surge through Tomoyo’s body,
her hands going over her heart as the feeling that she always had
when she was around Sakura shot through her. Yes, another
relationship would never be anything more than an escape from the
loneliness and a need for comfort. Her heart would always belong to
Sakura. A small smile crossed the dark haired woman’s lips. If she
had to be alone, it was worth it to be in love with her sweet best
friend. “Sakura-chan...” she whispered lovingly. 

	Watching Tomoyo from the doorway, Sakura found herself entranced by
the almost ethereal beauty of her best friend. She really didn’t know
how long she had been standing there. Blushing a bit, she realized
that she had been staring the entire time. But oddly enough, Tomoyo
didn’t seem to notice. The pale woman seemed lost in thought, far
away from the dark banquet room in Hong Kong. Some of the thoughts
seemed to be troubling her. Sakura wondered if Tomoyo was once again
thinking about her special someone. The young designer thought about
them often. They had to be an extremely lucky person to be in her
thoughts so often. 
	A soft sigh escaped Sakura as she leaned against the door frame.
She couldn’t help being a little jealous about Tomoyo’s special
person. When they were younger, it seemed that she was the one who
was always in Tomoyo’s thoughts. She had been the lead in the play of
Tomoyo’s life, always the center of attention to the slightly odd
dark haired girl. And it had been very embarrassing at times. But she
had enjoyed it immensely, knowing because of that that she was
important to her best friend. It had always made her feel good.
Special. Loved. She knew that she couldn’t be as important to Tomoyo
anymore. After all, she was married herself and knew how important
finding one’s love was. But she loved being so important to Tomoyo.
Was she being selfish still wanting that? Tomoyo had grown up. Her
special person was the most important person to her now. And whoever
that person was, they were making Tomoyo sad. Which made the whole
thing even worse for Sakura. The brunette had rarely ever seen Tomoyo
sad. It was like those stormy blue eyes were always glowing warmly.
The thought of Tomoyo being so sad like this left Sakura feeling weak
and helpless. There had to be something, anything that she could do.
	Thinking back on things, it now looked like Tomoyo had planned on
being alone from the beginning. That thought sent a chill down
Sakura’s spine. How could such a loving, gentle girl like Tomoyo be
alone forever? What had been the first clue? When they had bought
materials to make teddy bears for someone special. Rika had made one
(that she now knew had been for Terrada-sensie) and Tomoyo had
explained how you were supposed to make one for the person you like.
Sakura had been overjoyed at the prospect and hurried to get the
materials. Strangely enough, Tomoyo didn’t buy any to make one for
the person she liked. That had surprised Sakura who had thought
Tomoyo would finally get to show her special person her feelings for
them. But Tomoyo had explained that what she wanted the most was for
her love to be happy, even if it wasn’t with her. Sakura hadn’t
understood at the time, but Tomoyo was telling her that she couldn’t
be with her special person so she couldn’t make them a teddy bear
because she didn’t think they could return her feelings. The pale
girl had only been ten at the time. Only ten years old. She should
have been dreaming about when she would marry her true love, sure
that everything would work out in the end. But Tomoyo had always been
a little odd, and much of what she did only made sense to Sakura in
hindsight. Tomoyo had known back then that she would be all alone.
And Sakura hadn’t had a clue. Her heart sank in her chest at the
painful realization. Was there anything she could have done? Was
there a way she could have helped Tomoyo? It was heartbreaking to see
Tomoyo alone after all these years. If the love that she showed
Sakura was anything like the love for her special someone, then it
must tear Tomoyo apart inside to be without them.
Later, when everyone started dating, Chiharu once asked why Tomoyo
wasn’t dating anyone. Tomoyo replied that she couldn’t date the
person she wanted to so she felt that dating wouldn’t be right. Then
she quickly added that it left in more time to videotape Sakura.
Sakura had blushed at the time and had brushed it off, but now she
felt horrible. Everyone had been so busy trying to balance
relationships back then but Tomoyo had always been with her. She had
been happy about that, but now she saw that she had been pouring
herself into her own relationship right in front of Tomoyo, glad to
have Tomoyo there, but not seeing how lonely it must have made her. 
Now Sakura had a dilemma. More than ever, she wanted to find
Tomoyo’s true love and help her with it. It wasn’t right that
Tomoyo’s beautiful love be kept locked away. But Tomoyo didn’t want
her to find out for some reason. And Sakura wasn’t sure she wanted to
know who it was. After that kiss they had shared in the garden, the
thought of all of Tomoyo’s love going to another frightened her.
Feeling that warmth encompass her, the kiss, the embrace, the gentle
immersion in Tomoyo’s love, she didn’t want to let that go. She
wanted it all for herself, not to see it all given to someone who
couldn't appreciate her lovely best friend.
Her emerald eyes shot open when she heard Tomoyo whisper her name.
The sound of Tomoyo’s melodious voice quickly brought her back to her
senses. Had Tomoyo seen her? A blush crept across her cheeks. She had
just been standing there and staring for a while now. No, it looked
like Tomoyo had just said it. But why? Maybe she wasn’t thinking
about her special someone at the moment. Stepping forward, Sakura
smiled. “You look so gorgeous, Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran’s sisters really
did a great job. Not that you aren’t always pretty. You’re probably
the most beautiful woman I know,” the brunette said quickly.
Tomoyo smiled giddily as she saw the object of her thoughts
approaching. “Sakura-chan must not look in mirrors very often,” she
stated softly. She delighted in the blush it brought upon Sakura. No,
there was no way she could truly love anyone besides the woman in
front of her. But she wouldn’t have it any other way. To love Sakura
was both the most wonderful feeling in the world and also the most
painful. She had thought the pain would lessen as she grew older, but
the loneliness only became more acute as time went by, her longing
for Sakura growing stronger by the day. And now she had actually
kissed Sakura. It had been Tomoyo’s first real kiss. That intimate
moment with the Cardmistress had thrown off everything she had been
sure about. Her visit to Hong Kong was supposed to help her distance
herself from Sakura so she could fade away from her life. Now she
felt even more attached. She had come with the intention of hiding
her feelings for Sakura now that she was married, but they had burst
forward in a torrential outpouring. She had been drowning without
Sakura. She needed her just as surely as she needed air. Living
without her was becoming more and more difficult. That all too brief
moment with Sakura had been a tantalizing piece of Heaven.
Giggling slightly, Sakura brushed some hair back from her shimmering
jade eyes. “Most people save that sort of thing for the banquet,
Tomoyo-chan.”
“But if it’s equally true during the banquet and after, I should be
sure to let Sakura-chan know,” Tomoyo pointed out. It took every
ounce of her remaining strength to stand still as Sakura took both of
her hands in her own. For a moment’s time, Tomoyo wondered feverishly
if Sakura was going to kiss her again. Sakura was very close to her.
The pale woman’s heart stopped in her chest as eternity seemed to
stretch on endlessly before her. She ultimately dismissed the thought
as wishful thinking. She had been lucky that Sakura hadn’t acted
adversely to the first kiss. The fact that Sakura kissed back with
nearly the same passion in Tomoyo’s heart made the event one she
would both treasure and try to understand. Why had Sakura given so
freely of herself? Why had she kissed back so lovingly? Perhaps she
had misjudged how important she was to Sakura. If Sakura’s letters
were any indication, the brunette missed her greatly. So was the kiss
merely Sakura returning it with all of the love she held for her best
friend and nothing more? But there had been so much behind the kiss.
The entire thing sent Tomoyo’s head spinning. Sakura still didn’t
seem to know that she was the object of Tomoyo’s affections, so she
must not have understood completely why the toy designer had kissed
her in the first place. Tomoyo understood Sakura better than anyone
else did, but this was confusing her. She didn’t know how to act
about it or what masks she should wear. If she could manage the
strength to wear any at all.
Sakura watched Tomoyo intently. Was the pale woman shivering? It was
hard to tell in the dark. Squeezing Tomoyo’s soft, ivory hands
gently, Sakura asked, “Tomoyo-chan, are you cold? Maybe we should go
get you a blanket or something.”
“No, I’m not cold at all. I feel very warm being here with you,
Sakura-chan. You’re the bright, shining sun that lights up my world,”
Tomoyo explained, her soft voice barely above a whisper. She brought
her hands up, Sakura’s hands still holding onto them as she rested
them on Sakura’s cheeks. She could feel the hot blush under the
brunette’s cheeks and the soft feel of her skin. Tomoyo sighed
happily, meeting Sakura’s eyes with her stormy blue ones. Yes, it was
certainly nice to be with Sakura again, even if Sakura was married
now. She was happy just to be there with her best friend. 
“Tomoyo-chan...” Sakura said quietly, unsure of what to say. Her
heart was pounding in her chest like a drum, her feelings swirling
inside her like a tornado. Why couldn’t there be some way for her to
make Tomoyo happy? Tomoyo said she was happy as long as her special
someone was happy, but there had to be some way to make Tomoyo happy
herself. If she were the boy that Tomoyo loved, she would never be
able to leave her all alone. She would be overjoyed to be the focus
of all the love in Tomoyo’s heart. The chiming of an old grandfather
clock nearby rang a reminder through her head. “Oh! I need to call
one of the girls from the cheerleading club. I promised I would give
her mother some information about it tonight.”
Nodding, Tomoyo smiled sweetly at Sakura as her hands slowly trailed
away from the brunette’s cheeks. “All right, Sakura-chan. Those girls
are all very lucky to have you as their sensei. You were always so
cute when you were cheerleading. I loved to watch you when I didn’t
have choir practice. They’ll all look so kawaii training with you.” 
“Arigato, Tomoyo-chan. You always say such nice things. I’m really
sorry for leaving like this. I’ll try not to take too long. I don’t
want to waste any of the time we have together,” Sakura said
hurriedly as she walked backwards towards the door. The two said
goodbye before Sakura made her way back to her room.

Tomoyo looked up at the stars sparkling in the sky above, like
sparkling pearls resting on a huge velvet cloth. Yet for all of their
beauty, they paled in comparison to her spirited best friend. Her
thoughts kept returning to Sakura as she walked out in the garden
under the moonlight. Thoughts of the night before continued to course
through her, the sweet scent of Sakura and the warm feel of her lips
lingering like a ghost in her mind. That sent another smile across
her lips. She didn’t know if she should thank Touya or not for
frightening Sakura about ghosts. She always loved how Sakura would
grab onto her for comfort when she was scared of ghosts. These days
she must do that with Syaoran. 
Thinking about Syaoran made her feel a little uneasy. Not because of
him. She had grown used to him long ago. And she had chosen him as
the one Sakura’s heart must belong to. But now she was starting to
wonder about that, as well as Ieran’s words. Could it be that she had
been wrong? Had she misjudged Sakura’s heart? She had taken into
account that Syaoran had liked Sakura very much and that he would be
able to take care of her and give her a child. And she seemed rather
close to him. But had she made a terrible mistake? Syaoran always had
difficulty with his emotions and that made things difficult with
Sakura, who was a very emotional woman. She had been surprised to
hear that Sakura had to leave to talk to one of the girls from school
and not to go be with Syaoran. He hadn’t been around very much during
her visit, but whether that was normal or because he didn’t want to
get in the way during the trip, she wasn’t quite sure. And the kiss...
The sounds of heavy breathing up ahead grabbed Tomoyo’s attention.
Stepping forward past a tree, she spotted a Chinese woman around her
age, still dressed in her beautiful dress as her legs whipped through
the air as if fending off invisible attackers. “Hello, Meiling-chan,”
she said pleasantly as she approached the black haired woman. Tomoyo
could tell that the night's festivities had not sat well with her.
Meiling looked rather upset, probably at seeing Syaoran and his new
bride again. She knew how painful that could be. She and Meiling had
been in the same boat, pouring out their heart to the one they loved
but unable to have them. Of course, Meiling had taken a much more
aggressive route than she had. And she had known that she couldn’t
have Sakura for a very long time. It wasn’t until after Sakura had
captured all of the Clow Cards that she realized she wouldn’t be the
one to make Sakura happy. Meiling didn’t seem to realize that, at
least not consciously. 
“Why do you put up with it?” Meiling asked, her leg sweeping through
the shadows. The slit in her long dress shifted again as she kicked
out. She was still upset about the dinner. She had been Syaoran’s
fiancee for years, always by his side when he needed her, there to
love him always. And then he ran off with some girl he met in Japan.
She had not wanted to come tonight at all. Were they trying to rub it
in her face? The only reason she had come was because Ieran told her
to personally. Otherwise she was sure she could find something better
to do than to spend all night watching Syaoran and his bride. Just
about anything. “I mean, all this time you’ve loved her and now she’s
married to my Syaoran and you’re still all smiles and warmth to her.
I don’t get it. If you loved her back then, then why are you
pretending like it’s no big deal?”
“I still love her. I always will. I’m sorry about Li-kun, but I just
want Sakura to be happy. Now that she’s married and starting a new
life, I want her to know that I still care for her. I don’t want her
to have to worry about how the marriage affected me or how I feel
about her.” Tomoyo sighed as she steadied herself against a tree.
“Besides, I can’t be angry with her. Or with him. As long as he takes
care of Sakura, then I’m glad that they got married. Sakura deserves
a happy marriage.”
Meiling finally stopped her assault on the shadows, trying to catch
her breath. She shook her head, clenching her fists. “But she hurt
you. She ran off with some boy from Hong Kong. Leaving you all alone.
How can you sit back and take it? I can’t believe Syaoran did it. He
promised me...” Her amber eyes closed for a moment as she tried to
calm down. She was not going to cry in front of Tomoyo. Today was bad
enough without breaking down in the garden. Indulging her anger a
bit, she found it easier to push the tears away. “Why is it all right
for them to be happy when neither of us can be? Did things really
work out the right way? I loved Syaoran so much and you loved Sakura
and now we’re both left alone like discarded playthings. It feels
like things worked out the wrong way. Why did we both have to get
hurt in the end? Why couldn't we all be happy with the ones we love?”
The garden was silent for a full minute. The pale heiress didn’t
have an answer to Meiling’s question. There had been times when she
was all alone that she found herself asking it to the sky above.
There was never an answer. “I don’t know,” she said at last. Fate had
done a pretty painful job of patching things up, leaving too many
loose ends that refused to heal. She and Meiling seemed to be two
more casualties in Fate’s work.
	Sighing, Meiling toyed with a large bracelet she had on. “Neither
do I. I still don’t see how you can be happy for the both of them.
I’m still pissed about the whole thing. I really did love him,
Tomoyo. I can’t believe that he’d do this to me. Sakura didn’t know
how you felt, but I made sure Syaoran knew everyday just how I felt
about him. And he still went through with it. It’s not right that we
both got left behind like this.” She smiled a little in the dark,
pushing a pigtail over her shoulder. “I wish you had gotten Sakura.
Then neither of us would be in this mess.”
	Returning the smile, Tomoyo hugged herself as the cold began to
settle into her pale body. Meiling was suffering through the same
pain she was, but like always, she was handling it differently.
Almost like her mother. She smiled more at the thought. Of course,
her mother never could have been angry at Nadeshiko. “Sometimes I
wish I could have, too. Thank you, Meiling-chan. I’m very sorry about
how everything turned out.”
	“Me too,” Meiling answered, looking out across the garden. Her eyes
darted around the dimly lit area when she heard someone running
towards them. It was Sakura, hurrying along. She crossed her arms and
frowned.
	“Tomoyo-chan! There you are! I finally finished. I was wondering
where you had gone off to. Oh, hello, Meiling-chan!” Sakura smiled
politely as she reached the two dark haired women. From the distance,
Sakura hadn’t been quite sure which was which. She had almost thought
that Mirror had gone off as Tomoyo. 
	“Hello, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo said happily, smiling at the young
bride. “I wanted to come back and take a walk in the garden. It looks
like Meiling-chan had similar ideas.” 
	Meiling brushed past Sakura as she headed for the door. “I really
must be going. I should get home before it gets too late. I have some
things I need to do tomorrow. Goodbye, Tomoyo! Enjoy your visit!”
With that, she disappeared inside the house, leaving Sakura blinking
after her.
	Watching the bewildered look on Sakura’s face, Tomoyo let out a sad
sigh. She could understand Meiling’s pain and her anger, but she
could never be angry at Sakura. Taking one of Sakura’s hands, she
quickly smiled again. “Please don’t worry about it, Sakura-chan. 
Meiling-chan is in a lot of pain and she doesn’t know what to do
about it.”
	Sakura nodded slowly. Meiling hadn’t been very pleased with her at
all during her stay in Hong Kong. But Tomoyo was right. There was no
reason to worry about it. “I’m glad I found you. I was wondering
where you were.”
	“I’ll always be there if you know where to look, Sakura-chan. Even
if it doesn’t seem like I am.” Tomoyo’s smile disappeared for a
moment, her voice sounding earnest. A cloud seemed to pass over her
stormy blue eyes for a moment before it faded away to be replaced
with her nearly ever present smile. 
	Standing with Tomoyo in the dark, Sakura felt her fingers
intertwine with the toy designer’s. Tomoyo’s pale skin seemed to
shine in the luster of the moonlight. “I found some photos you might
like for your photo album, Tomoyo-chan.”
	Tomoyo smiled again happily. “I would love that, Sakura-chan. They
are little frozen moments in Sakura-chan’s life that I can flip
through whenever I want to see her again.”
	“Oh good! I hope you like them. Syaoran-chan and I were going to
make an album ourselves some time, but we haven’t gotten around to
it. I’d be happier if you had the pictures instead of them going to
waste.” Squeezing Tomoyo’s hand, she led her best friend back inside.